Plus-Sized Woman Doesn't Feel 'Reassured' After Boyfriend Tells Her He 'Tried Out' Other Body Sizes

A woman admits to spiraling after her boyfriend tells her he knows he's sure about her because after they started dating, he slept with women of varying sizes to make sure he'd be happy with her.

Honestly may be the best policy, but is there such thing as too much of it? One woman is wondering just that after her boyfriend's attempts to "reassure" her left her feeling anything but.

The anonymous woman took to Reddit's Relationship Advice forum with her story after her boyfriend's reveal about what he did early in their relationship left her "spiraling," with him going so far as to say he "probably should have kept that to himself."

Read on to find out what he was trying to say, and how it came across to OP ("Original Poster").

Trying Out Body Sizes

The self-described "plus sized" 29-year-old woman started her story by explaining that her boyfriend, 30, is "quite fit, muscular, and a lot thinner than me." But, she also emphasized, "I’ve never compared our sizes until he made this comment."

Said comment came after they'd "been intimate and were just cuddling and talking about anything and everything," according to OP. She goes on to say that her boyfriend "was talking about how he’s sure about me and has been daydreaming about our future."

"And then to 'reassure' me that he’s definitely sure about me he said that when he first started falling in love with me (quite early on, maybe 2nd or 3rd date?) he slept with the smallest and largest women he knew to make sure he would be 'happy with me,'" OP wrote.

She went on to add, "I'm assuming these women are previous sexual partners but I didn’t ask cause honestly I don’t want to know."

His comment threw OP "for a loop and I’ve been spiralling about it since he said it." She said she "almost immediately started crying and he apologised and said he probably should have kept that to himself."

OP clarified that she's not upset about him sleeping with other women, as they'd not yet defined their relationship then.

"I just feel like if I was smaller than him he wouldn’t have even felt the need to do this, let alone tell me about it as if I should be grateful?" she wrote. "Like it came off as like a 'yeaa baby I could have anyone but I’m willing to settle for you.'"

She went on to acknowledge she's "probably overthinking this," but doesn't like how it's making her feel. "I’ve just done so much work to be comfortable in my own skin after years of self hatred and eating disorders and I feel like I’m right back in that headspace again now because of one offhand comment."

She summed up the experience in her headline, explaining -- with quotes suggesting this was his phrase -- that he "tried out" different body sizes to make sure he'd be happy settling down with her, leaving her wondering, "How do I get past this?"

'Sinister' or 'Stupidity'

The first thing OP did was jump back into her original post with an edit to clarify that this is not about her body. "I don’t need weight loss advice thank you, that’s not why I’m here," she wrote, dismissing everyone sidestepping her question entirely to focus on her size.

"I love my body because it’s still here, alive, carrying me through a beautiful world and a life that I am learning to really love and want to be here for," she wrote. "It’s perfectly normally for me to want to be loved for my whole self, not in spite of a part of me, and I hope you would all want that for yourselves too. ♥️"

With that out of the way, there were plenty of commenters who addressed the issue more directly, though perhaps none so directly as one user who wrote, "I honestly can’t imagine saying something like this to anyone. Like... 'Well I tried guys with bigger d--ks and smaller d--ks just in case I wouldn’t be satisfied with you, but I realized you’re a perfectly acceptable size and shape. I guess I wasn’t so sure at first.' Tf?"

OP admitted that she'd briefly considered countering with, "Well I’m bisexual and I didn’t feel the need to go sleep with a woman to make sure I’d be satisfied being with you," but opted not to because, "that’s so hurtful and then he would spend the rest of our relationship wondering if I would be happier with a woman or if I was going to cheat on him with one."

Words like "odd" and "weird" were also thrown about for the boyfriend even conducting this little experiment. "Super weird Op," commented one Redditor. "Sleeping with other people to make sure he would be happy with you is very very strange and then him telling you about it is kind of cruel too. Are you sure you see forever with this person? This cannot be the very first red flag so far in."

Another read into the boyfriend sharing this with her, adding, "He sounds like he wants her to be greatful that he is with her like he's doing her a favour he does not sound like a nice person he's intentionally knocked her confidence."

"Bro literally treated women like he's at a g--damn wine tasting," wrote another user. Another wondered what would happen if OP's size changed. "If she loses or gains weight he'll just have to go through the motions again to figure out if he can be happy with her changes!" they wrote.

One commenter shared that she's in a similar situation to OP, writing, "I read this to my fit husband. We both got choked up over this. He was angry on your behalf. He feels your bf is incredibly shallow, and cruel. He told me that he knew he loved ME. Period."

"We both feel the same way. Trying on other women while starting a relationship with you, to see if he’d be able to get it up for a curvy queen? That’s kinda messed up. You absolutely did not deserve that," she continued. "Are you willing to settle for someone who feels superior to you? Someone who doubted his ability to love you?"

As for sharing his early experimentation with his girlfriend, Redditors were of two minds. Was it "sinister" or "stupidity?"

"Given that OP has a history of ED, it's likely not odd...it's intentional," speculated one. "It might not even really have happened. He really might just be trying to trigger the ED and made something up. The amount of OPs who post here and it's literally their boyfriends trying to trigger their EDs and the OPs don't see it...it's frightening. These guys always know what they're doing, they're not stupid."

Another countered, though, that it could be far simpler. "Could also be for less sinister reasons and he's just stupid," they countered. "'I'll prove to her I love her size but telling her, despite having options, I chose her.' If I'm wrong and it was in fact sinister, then he can f--k off. I just feel some guys stupidity is overlooked."

One guy even jumped in to own this possibility, writing, "This. Am stupid. I've said things thinking I was just being logical and it made sense to me. . . little did I know that I was being an offensive lickspittle inconsiderate of all the angles that my words could be taken from."

One nuanced response that got OP's attention began, "The hard thing is that all the work you’ve done, he hasn’t. So while I’m so sure he loves you fully, he probably doesn’t really understand nuances of fatphobia, what it’s like being socialized as a woman and being treated by the public as a large woman, etc etc. He may understand it was f--ked up to tell you that, but it sounds like he doesn’t understand why that was super f--ked up to do." This user suggested OP take some space while he "does a lot of self education around those topics."

"Thank you, this is the most intentional and thought out comment so far," OP replied. "We really are very happy and I feel very loved and appreciated by him, this was so left of field from how our relationship is."

"You’re right, he can’t understand the underlying emotional context to how I’m feeling about this," she continued. "I’ll take the time to explain it properly and ask him to do some research and some critical thinking about it. And then what he chooses to do from there will tell me how these kinds of situations will be handled in the future and whether he is willing to do the work for/with me. Thank you."

Perhaps the best way to sum up that initial gut reaction to OP's post was one commenter who wrote, "That’s….he….what…?" To this, another replied, "Couldn't have said it better. ????"

What do you think?